This topic here is a tough one. As a strong individual, I tussle with not having things in order or trying to be perfect. But you know, while growing up or in life period, we hear "There's no such thing as being perfect!". Yeah! I get it, but I like things a certain way and to go undisturbed. Lately, thoughts on this topic have been heavy on my mind and I attempt to say things are okay, but truth be told, I'm unsure if it is okay.
I've been questioning my loyalty to myself! Yes, to Me. Did I give up on Jessika and did Jessika put her life on pause because she now has kids?? Those are the things that I ask myself. Every day I wake up to kids, go to work with kids, the grocery store with kids, FaceTime with kids, even use the restroom with kids. As I washed my face one morning I was wondering if I threw all of my aspirations out the door. Aspirations to work out, lose weight, get up and go, HECK simply take care of me. Maybe some think I'm inconsiderate or not being fair, but hey I'm a human and I want to get myself back on track.
On track to being healthy, not being tired of my kids by 6 pm, or feeling like I'm "stuck" with them while I'm trying to get work done. Thinking like this makes me wonder; Am I okay? I thought I had my life figured out. But shockingly I'm here to say I don't have it all figured out. I'm tackling daily thoughts of trying to incorporate a workout plan and how to get back to the "pre-baby" Jessika. The "pre-baby" Jessika, worked out, travel like crazy, and didn't worry about going to the stores or not!!!
Faithfully I'm thinking these things. How can I sneak in a workout, how can I get a moment of quietness? The thing that makes it worse is I'm feeling guilty thinking about myself. Do I have any other mothers or fathers feeling like this?
If so, I'm here to tell you it's okay! This is NORMAL.
We always want to make sure our children and our home is fine, so we tend to put ourselves last. Having these feelings made me realize it's time to put at least 1 hour to the side for myself. If we take care of our bodies, then we can take care of others. The perfect example is the flight attendant warning parents to put a mask on themselves BEFORE putting it on their child. Why? Because parents must be fully functional (having oxygen) in order to help their children.
Another thing, God knows our plans. He knows how everything is going to work out. Trying to have it all figured out in your mind may not align with God and what HIS plans are for you. I talk to God daily and question why do I feel like this.
Being able to have that connection with God has helped me understand my journey as a wife and as a mother.
But how dare we try to figure it out and cry at the moment it won't work out. Have we thought about the plans our Father has made for us? Have we thought about the test and trials he wants us to go through? Even better, do you believe God will put more on you than you can bear? This is another reason Why It's Okay To Not Have It All Figured Out!
In conclusion, being a parent should not replace your happiness or taking care of yourself. I'm literally learning something new each month while my children are developing. While it's great to have plans and ideas, it's totally okay not having it all figured out! Do not beat yourself up about it, it will get better.
Just wanted to share while this was something recently I've been dealing with and I'm sure others are too.
xoxo,
Jess